The original concept for this blog was that each post would be about a different guy who impacted me in a different way. Whether it be lustful, a crush, a relationship, someone I dated or someone I just hooked up with. However, less than a week into this blog, i’ve already ruined the concept. This post is the second post about a guy, he previously featured in To The Straight Guy Who Doesn’t Know I Like Him. As it something that is ongoing with me, I felt the need to write more about him. This post is To The Guy Who I Have Fallen in Love With.
When does a crush, stop being a crush? It’s a question i’ve been pondering over for recently. Normally, it’s when the crush subsides and the feelings you have fade away, but what if the feelings grow even further than they did before. Is it love? Over recent years i’ve been with quite a few men, whether it be for a one-off hookup, dates or even something a bit more with one or two of them. However, the emotions I am currently feeling about someone are unlike those I have ever felt before, i’ve never felt so strongly about someone.
When i’m with this guy, or know i’m going to see him that day, i’m smiling literally all of the time. I can’t stop it, it’s something that just compels me. Seeing him makes me feel so good, talking to him lights me up so much. I could listen to him non-stop for hour upon hour. When I think about him, its never in a overly sexual context, it in a more romantic one, the fantasies are never about sex, but rather about holding hands, having in-depth meaningful discussions and being there to care for him when he is sad.
After i’ve finished talking to him, I still think about him. I wonder what he is doing with the rest of his day, I think about when i’m going to see him next, then I am sad. As I know this will be the longest time before I get to see him again, then that ruins the rest of the day. I wish I could spend more time with him and be with him in that way, I doubt that would ever happen though.
What makes this ‘crush’ different from anything i’ve ever felt before is that i’ve actually cried about it, and I don’t typically get upset about guys. I got outed as gay at high school and had an ex who literally left the country and in both circumstances, I was sad of course, but never did I let out a tear, however with this guy, i’ve been upset on multiple occasions. This had made me realise that it is more than lust, it is more than just liking someone, it is me loving a guy properly for the very first time.
I know I will have to tell him how I feel soon and I know that it could, and likely will, go terribly wrong. But deep down I know that if I don’t tell him, I will always regret not knowing how he reacts. To The Guy I Have Fallen in Love With, I have no other words to say, I really do think the world of you.