One of the most difficult things about being gay is that the pool of people you can date is smaller and one thing that straight guys do not usually understand is that even if you meet a nice guy, there’s a chance both of you are going to be tops or both bottoms, making you sexually incompatible. The worst feeling is when you fall for a straight guy and this is currently what is happening to me.
It all started when I started at a new university, I was finding a way of socialising with more people, so I decided to take up tennis again. I was on my way to the courts, unaware of which way to go, when this guy who was also going to play stopped and started chatting to me. I’m a naturally nervous, and slightly socially awkward, guy so this made me more assured. We started chatting and it turned out that we both knew some of the same people, we carried on talking for some time.
After we had finished playing tennis, we both walked the same way and carried on talking again. I revealed in a roundabout way that I was gay, which was responded with “I have a girlfriend”. That response didn’t shock me, i’ve heard it all before. But it made me feel like “ugh, not again. Another hot, caring guy who’s straight”.
Honestly, I thought it was a bit of lust, like i’ve had with many other guys in the past. However, week after week, I kept seeing this guy and talking to him. The more I spoke to him, the more I liked him. I have not had this feeling for so long, after i’ve spoken to him, I still feel something — he’s really unique, but in a beautiful way. I really don’t know what to do or how to tackle this. I’ve been in a similar predicament before and totally ruined it by letting my feelings known. I really don’t want to ruin something that could end up being a pretty good friendship.
My biggest problem is that I cannot get this guy off my mind. He’s the first thing I think about in the morning, he’s the last thing I think about at night. I’ve told my friends about this guy. He’s slightly taller than I am, he’s the same body build as I am, he has a smile that is both handsome and adorable and he wears these cute tortoise shell glasses. Every-time I see him and talk to him, I can’t help but smile, I feel so good when in his company.
My message To The Straight Guy Who Doesn’t Know I Like Him is firstly, i’m sorry for feeling like this, I can’t help it and I wish it would go away and solely be platonic, but as it currently stands I can’t see that happening. I really wish I knew how to diffuse this situation, but I have no way of doing this.
Should I tell him? Should I just wait and see if it subsides over time?, I don’t know what to do. Am I deluded enough to think that the whole “I have a girlfriend” response was a defence mechanism, am I completely crazy? As it currently stands, i’m not going to tell him and i’m not going to act on it — i’m enjoying feeling so good about a guy (something that hasn’t happened for such a long time), i’m just going to go with the flow for a while, at least that way no one will get hurt in the process.
The person I envy most in this process is this guy’s girlfriend, she really does have it good.