Dating is hard. Regardless of your sexuality, it is a difficult thing to do, to meet someone for the first time and well hopefully build up a bond. When I first started discovering who I was sexually, I was interested in dating at all, I mean my intention was to go out there and just have as much fun as possible. That subsequently led to quite a lot of sexual encounters that had no romantic or non-sexual aspects to them.
After a while though, things changed quite drastically. I realised that I didn’t want to keep feeling that emptiness you get when you hook-up with someone. You know that dirty feeling you get afterwards when you feel guilty and then its worse if you actually like the guy and he doesn’t want to “hook-up” again.
Having that feeling again and again is dreadful and this is what made me decide to start dating guys, rather than just having sex. One of the guys I went on a date with was over the last summer. We had been chatting through an app for a while and had bumped into each other on campus as well. We agreed to meet-up for coffee, the most generic date idea of them all.
It was a really wet day and it was quite a walk for me to get to where we were meeting, however I had a good feeling about this date, so I didn’t mind in the slightest. I got to the coffee shop and I could see him walking down the road in the distance. We hugged and made brief smalltalk. We sat down and started talking even more, he was a nice guy — you could tell he came from a good background, he was smart, quite sweet and was well-dressed, I mean that is typically what I go for, but I knew that there was something missing, but I could not tell what it was.
We carried on talking for an hour or so, I mean I didn’t want to look rude or anything. We both knew a few of the same people, which is a consequence of going on a date with someone who goes to the same University as you. He seemed quite interested in me, but I was not the best at telling these things.
After the date had ended, we hugged again and went our separate ways. I couldn’t fault the guy for the quality of the date, but I just knew I did not want to see him again. It made me feel overly picky and like a bad person, I mean there was a pretty decent guy in front of me, someone who was an all-round good person, yet I didn’t want to take it any further. What was wrong with me?
Then it dawned on me, there was no spark at all. I mean if this guy were in my class, i’m confident we would probably be friends, but there was no sexual attraction on my part towards him and nothing that made me go “wow”. He was nice, but there was little more to him for me.
To The Guy Who Was Nice and Nothing Else, I say sorry for being a bit of a jerk when you tried to contact me afterwards. I should’ve have just been honest, instead of trying to play it cool. I’ve seen the guy around since and we both awkwardly try to avoid one another, I mean he’s not someone I think about really at all. But still, I wish I were not such a bad person with men, it is my biggest fault. But i’m confident that i’ll find a nice guy soon enough who will be nice, and who will also have a spark.