One of the things I envy most about straight people is how broad their dating pool is. Not only is there less gay people, estimated to be about 10% of the population, but we also have the top/bottom issue. If you’re not familiar with this terminology, without trying to sound crude, some guys prefer to do the penetrating during anal sex, while others would rather just receive it, as well as those lucky ones out there who are versatile, meaning they do both.
About 18 months or so ago, I was looking for a hookup when this really stunning guy appeared on that infamous app. He was absolutely stunning, both visually and emotionally. At the time he was doing the exact same MA that I am now doing, he was smart, had a really cool ‘international school’ accent — you know the type that sounds quasi-American — which was complemented by him having an amazing smile and a beautiful face, seriously he is one of the most attractive people I have ever seen.
Anyway we agreed to meet-up at where he was based, which was his student accommodation. As it was during the Summer break, it meant that campus was far quieter than normal, which was actually really nice. He told me where to meet him and I could see him waving from his window, one hand pointed at me, the other clutching onto a cigarette (I suppose no one can be 100% perfect). We spent ages chatting to one another, bonding over a shared interest in current affairs, he spoke about where he came from and why he had decided to come to the UK, as well as what his career prospects were. I promise that I don’t always sound like a job interviewer.
After a while, he implied that we should have “some fun”, we went to go ahead with it, when it dawned on me that both of us were bottoms. This made things incredibly awkward as it meant that we couldn’t have full-on sex, which at the time, I was absolutely gagging for. However, luckily enough, we could do other things which were still pretty fun.
However, this encounter, has made me think about how hard it is for gay men in general. Not only do we have a far smaller amount of men that we can date, but even within the gay community we are not sexuality compatible with every guy, making it even harder — I know I shouldn’t complain.
Unfortunately, I have since lost contact with this guy and even though we only met a handful of times, partly because he was leaving the country a couple of months after we first met, we built a unique bond. It was great to meet someone who was deeply intellectual, yet charming and funny also. This was complimented by him liking my innocent demeanour, my “British accent” (I don’t think I really have much of one) and the fact I was the only person in the UK he had met who pronounced his name right.
To The Guy Who Was Also A Bottom I say that I really am sorry for the both of us in that we could not have been more sexually compatible, I mean I know nothing serious would have ever come of it, but if I look back and think about guys I regret not being more intimate with, he is definitely top of the list — what is even worse in this case is that I have since discovered that I sometimes have the urge to top. Alas, I did not know it then.